Skyfall (2012) – 3/5


Long, relatively mediocre Bond film with some nice visuals and a few cool moments here and there but a dumb story that all but falls apart under the weight of its own stupidity by the end. An empty mansion in the middle of nowhere, really? Okay. Sure. That makes much more sense than **SPOILERS** luring the enemy toward, I don’t know, a heavily armed fortress full of specially trained operatives. Nah, fighting an army single-handedly with a small handful of weapons in an old, crumbling house is clearly the better way to go. **END SPOILERS** Smart, real smart. So much for James Bond being a tactical genius, eh? But at least it all works out in the end. Oh, wait, no, not really since **SPOILERS** the person Bond spends almost the entire last half of the movie trying to protect dies anyway. **END SPOILERS** Whoops. Oh well. Maybe next time you’ll go with the heavily armed fortress instead.

The film is also kind of dull, especially the first half. Not much happens really, and the beginning intro, though exciting and action packed, ends ridiculously. How the heck can anyone **SPOILERS** survive being shot off a moving train by a sniper and plummeting head first into a river? I understand it’s Bond, but still, the man’s not made of steel. **END SPOILERS** And he barely even suffers any long-term damage for it, save a scar or two. The film is full of stuff like this too; lots of plot cheats and “easy outs” that just ring false, especially once Javier Bardem’s character is introduced and his “plan” goes into action.

The**SPOILERS** capture was pre-planned, really? How? How the heck could Bardem possibly have known that all that was going to happen? And who the hell builds a top clearance security glass prison above an easily accessible underground passage way?!? And who the heck plants explosives below one specific section of train track on the off-chance that a train happens to be riding along at exactly the same moment Bond happens to be chasing you so you have something to set off above him and send his way? And what the hell was with deciding to lure an entire army of bad guys to an abandoned mansion miles away from civilization, armed helicopter and all? **END SPOILERS** Why was the writing in this film so gosh dang lazy? Why?

Overall, I was disappointed. The film is a stupid, lazy mess. Nicely shot and well acted by Bardem, who steals the show despite being given some really dumb, over the top dialogue at times, and I liked the whole “young vs old” theme that they jam in there, even if it does feel forced at times. But the film has some serious problems. And what was with the whole **SPOILERS** implication that Bond has had a gay romance in the past? **END SPOILERS** Really, Hollywood? Really? No, just, no. This time, you’ve gone too far. The film also felt at times like it was trying to follow the plot of The Dark Knight, especially in the second half with the “plot” and the “escape” and blah blah blah. Stupid.

Anyway, not horrible, but not that great. Certainly the weakest of the Daniel Craig Bond films so far.

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