Alice in Wonderland (2010) – 1.5/5

Not as terrible of a film as I was expecting, but not a great one either. Slightly different from Tim Burton’s usual fare, thanks namely to the absence of his usual overly saturated CGI intros and a story somewhat grounded in realism, at least at the beginning. Still, it’s a relatively hokey, dull, predictable piece that goes on for way too long and often makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

To its credit, it often looks great. But visuals are what Tim Burton does best. It’s what he’s always been known for, ever since the beginning. The characters look a tad ridiculous and take a bit of time to get used to, especially the main character who looks like she hasn’t slept or seen the sun in years. Maybe this was intentional for the sake of the story, but every character in all of Burton’s films looks like this for the most part so I doubt it.

She’s still quite beautiful though, and I thought her acting was good for the most part, as is everyone here, for the most part. Nothing exceptional. Johnny Depp is strange and all over the place as the Mad Hatter, going from one accent to another while uttering random nonsensical phrases in fits of unprovoked anger. But he’s supposed to be crazy, so it’s all okay. Eh. Helen Boham Carter is okay, yelling at people and being otherwise stereotypically evil. And I barely even recognized Crispin Glover in what is strangely enough the most straightforward role I’ve ever seen him play.

The first hour of this movie is utterly insane. I had no idea what the hell was going on or why any of it mattered. And it turned out, none of it did, really. Way too much CGI that looked crappy and cartoonish. I understand that it’s cheaper to generate things on a computer than it is to physically construct them, but it all looks like garbage; fake and uninteresting.

I also didn’t much care for the fact that **SPOILERS** they essentially tell you exactly how the film is going to play out within the first couple of minutes of Alice entering Wonderland. Gee, it’s been prophesied that she’ll slay the evil dragon-like creature and bring peace to Wonderland via the White Queen? Great. Guess there’s no point watching the rest of the film, then, is there? Stupid. ***END SPOILERS** That really annoyed me.

When you tell an audience exactly how things are going to go down, and then proceed with your story in that very way, you’re going to bore them. It’s the very definition of boring. How idiotic. The ending was also stupid and, thanks to the revelation at the beginning, very anti-climatic. What a waste of time.

Overall, eh. Not a great film, not as brilliant visually as you’d expect, predictable, occasionally incomprehensible, boring, stupid. Don’t watch it. Ugh.

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